Saturday, July 4, 2009

The past year

My dear friend SG commented on my last post and talked about how her outlook on life changed after being ill for so long. I am blessed that my cancer was shortlived but she is right, things like this do change who you are. I mentioned in my last post on how much my life has changed in the past year. Last year my 4th of July was happy because I was with family but shadowed by the fact that I was still so uncertain about my future due to both my cancer and the debacle that was the ending of my marriage. I have come so far in the past year both in terms of my cancer and my personal growth.

I posted in December that I was beginning to spread my wings and live again although it was by baby steps. Beginning in January every morning when I woke up I told myself you will be happy and I spent most of the winter and spring doing everything I could to fill up my life with happiness. Yes, along the way I did have some rough times as I fully discovered what was the real story behind the end of my marriage and a few scares that perhaps I wasn't done with my journey to beat cancer but I kept moving forward. In April I began to notice that when I woke up in the morning I wasn't saying I will be happy anymore, I was beginning to say I am happy!

The life I rebuilt is so full of so much. Until last year I never realized the true meaning of friendship and how friends can fill up your life and your heart with so much. Without the last year I would have never thought to actually go out and build that chair I always wanted and also have the opportunity to enjoy my father again. Without the last year I would have never had all the adventures I've had with my amazing Tiger Lily (who still is the best thing that ever happened to me). I have experienced so much joy in the past year, it just took me awhile to appreciate all of it. And yes, my outlook on life has also changed. I forgive much more easily, I judge so much less, I let things go that in the past I would have held on to. I also see joy in the little things, I laugh so much more and I have expanded my horizons and done things I would have never dreamed of doing by myself. Along the way I've met some great people, renewed friendships and discovered the true depths of some old friends.

I hope that I never experience the sorrows that accompanied my past year but I hope to continue to relish the joy that grew from those sorrows.

Thank you to everyone who helped to me grow so much.

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