Tuesday, February 3, 2009

News and Me

So, we have had some computer problems at home and I’m sorry for the delay in the updates—I’m trying to post using my Blackberry, we’ll see how it goes.

Tiger Lily did not get the part in the play. She was disappointed for about 10 minutes and then decided to try again. That’s my girl!!! There is no progress for me, we are trying one last ditch effort and if there is no improvement I will have a biopsy. They still do not know what the cause is but the general consensus is simply radiation damage and not cancer again.

Every once in awhile I’ll probably just spend some time here talking about me which is perhaps a little self centered but I sometimes forget about me in my rush to be so much else. Everyone wants me to start dating as if this will somehow heal me and make me feel better about everything that happened. A friend asked me the other day what I would look for this time around when I reach the point where I feel I’ve done enough emotional house cleaning to put myself out there. I don’t know what I want, I know what I don’t want which I guess is a start. There is a father in Tiger Lily’s group that has made it clear he would like to get to know me better and it is nice to know that at least someone noticed. Stop jumping up and down everyone, group is over.

I would like to remind everyone that beating up Ted and his friend (she was never ever my friend) doesn’t do much good. I am the one in August that said enough is enough and you need to either be prepared to dedicate yourself to helping us or you must leave. Before you start to comment etc. please remember that he played a pivotal role in the discovery of my cancer and I never would have discovered it as early. The hopes and dreams that he would want to stay with us were all on my side, he was honest even during the times when I thought that maybe we were trying to reconcile that he didn’t want to change his mind. He had already begun his new life and had been sharing dances and his soul with someone else, in my heart I knew that all along. That being said, we have tried very hard to be friends, we even exchanged Christmas presents and I used mine the other day when I installed new locks on the doors (we’ve had a few strange incidents lately where I’m sure someone has been in the house and everyone knows the code so…). He knows that friendship does not mean forgiveness, we just feel this will be better for Tiger Lily and as everyone knows, she is worth a few sacrifices along the way. So I will now say in defense of my friend that enough is enough, please.

I’ve had a few rough weeks lately while I continue to adjust to being alone but it is all part of the process. Tiger Lily and I will be fine. If anyone knows a single guy that is intelligent (let’s face it, I’m smart and I refuse to dumb down my conversation), loves children, doesn’t mind a few scars, will go to a NASCAR race and the theater (and fits in at both) and has the proverbial sense of humor, well send him my way. I guess I do know where I want to start.

Moving forward with baby steps everyday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


You owe me a long "dish", pivital indeed....??

When you've finished that house cleaning we'll see what we can do but not until you are ready!

Keep going forward my friend.

The Divine Miss