Friday, January 16, 2009

My Divorce

I know that there are some questions surrounding my divorce and I figured I’d take some time to clarify a few things.

The nuts and bolts details are as follows: in Maryland, you can only get an immediate divorce on the grounds of adultery, desertion, or physical and mental cruelty. Otherwise you must voluntarily separate for one year before you can file. I chose not to pursue an immediate divorce for reasons I will keep to myself. In August of this year I can file for my divorce and will then simply have to wait for a court date. We have already separated all our property, decided on the custody arrangement for Tiger Lily which is the only thing that was important to me and finalized all the details. Ted has moved on and will not contest anything so it will be a quick divorce. I refer to Ted as my daughter’s father, even when we finally do divorce I will probably continue to refer to him this way.

Some of you have questions about the circumstances and details that led to my divorce. Given many of the articles etc. in the media lately I have every legal right to put everything out there in the blogsphere and there are those who would say I have a moral right to do so as well. If you are continuing to read my blog simply waiting for me to spill all the sordid details then please stop wasting your time. Tiger Lily still occasionally reads this, she doesn't need to know the details so I will not share here. It is enough to know that he left things behind in his rush to get out in August so that I know when plans were made, lines were crossed and kisses were asked for. Ted knows what I know and the discussions between us about the details ended months ago.

I have learned a lot about myself in the past 8 months and will probably never be the same person but I need to move on and now I need to begin to heal my soul. We can never forget the betrayal of a loved one or those who were, in truth, never our friends but in time the bitterness and pain fades and I hope to reach that point in the near future. Rehashing all that happened does not set me free, although I will admit there are days when a good “dish” about it all helps!

Moving forward with baby steps every day!


Anonymous said...

with time and understanding you will heal and move on.theres a saying;"for every black cloud theres a silver lining"even though after many years your lives have been thrown down a different pathway than chosen,one needs to remember that tl is a result of a much happier time and ted will ALWAYS be her daddy because it is through the eyes of love one little girl sees her protector and special person,HER DADDY.things change but not the role of a parent or the love that child has for their my question to you is who would think he would go by any other name?i hope your doing well and miss all my friends in maryland. take care lorrie.

Tulip said...

We miss you too!

To clarify, there is no one who would question that relationship. I have chosen to call him my daughter's father when I explain our relationship or who he is instead of using the term ex-husband. Perhaps a gentle reminder of what is important...

Love to you and Bruce.

alfia said...

As I keep saying, both you and your daughter are better off without him. As a daughter of a drunk, I can certify this first hand. In addition, a person who would betray you so badly at the worst time of your life - he is not worth of grieving for. As for that woman - well, karma is a bitch, and she will get what she deserves for sure.
You and Tiger LIlly will be very happy eventually. You are a very strong woman and she is such an amazing girl, you will get through this even stronger. I firmly believe in this!